Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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