i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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