These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
