i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
