goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
