Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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