Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
