mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
