I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
