my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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