What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
