would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
