When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
