Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
