So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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