Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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