dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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