there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
