Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
