non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
