Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
