Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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