I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
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So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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