there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
one might say we're banned from that church
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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