They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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