is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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