yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
