This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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