I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
