Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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