i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
