I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
