just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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