I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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