I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
