it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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