oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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