i barfeds in our rink
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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