elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
