Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
