Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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