i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
