I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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