The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
