Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
