Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
