shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
