i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
