SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
