Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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