I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
