"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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