and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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