Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
