so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
