the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
