i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
