Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
