we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
