Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
