did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
