she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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