On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
