If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
