Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
