That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
