At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
