Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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