i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
