I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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