You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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