found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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