He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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