I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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