Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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