thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
