remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
