I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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