I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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