just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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