just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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