the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
