dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
